Monday, January 16, 2006

Midgets, you've been warned...

Very close to where I live there is a lane that leads to some shops. I wander past there on a regular basis and have constantly been intrigued by a series of signs that adorn one of the walls. They must be pretty serious because there is 3 of them, about 15' apart (there were 4 but someone ripped one down)...

I wouldn't normally dribble on about a sign (mmm, actually I might), but these ones befuddle me...

As you can see the sign clearly states "BEWARE ANTI CLIMB PAINT" which, obviously, is a pretty
direct message.

Now what gets me is that this wall is only 1 metre high, if even that. I've included a portion of myself for reference and I'm 5'11 3/4" tall.
(note: not 6 foot tall as much as I'd like to be. Every time that I've been measured I've clocked in 1/4" shy of 6 foot. Now, you could say why don't I just say 6 foot - well that would be a lie wouldn't it, or an exaggeration at best and I'm not prone to exaggeration, verbosity perhaps, but not exaggeration. I've spent a lifetime stating my height correctly, proudly maintaining my integrity and, no doubt, leaving some people thinking that I'm anally retentive - such is the price of your morals eh Cato).

I mean, the wall could provide a challenge to a midget but I don't think even the most diminutive of folk would be terribly troubled by it. So, all in all, it seems to be a pretty aimless sign or, as this case is, a collection of signs.

Having got closer and spent more time beside the sign than I ever have before, it has become clear to me that:
(1) there is no-one climbing it,
(2) there are no signs that anyone ever has climbed it (jumped it perhaps)
(3) there are no midgets nearby (as far as I could tell),
(4) this anti-climb paint does attract more than its fair share of bird-shit.

In fact, there is a tremendous amount of bird-shit on it and, if I know my bird-shit, I suspect that the culprits are seagulls (I live pretty close to the sea as a crow flies or, in this case, some full-bellied seagulls). So, perhaps, the local council could better use their time (& budget) by putting up some signs advising the seagulls that this is not a toilet.

Admittedly, its a long shot as to whether the seagulls are actually going to be able to read it, but, then again, I ain't seen any clans of free-climbing midgets lurking about either. So if they are going to put up signs they might as well keep it real - or surreal if that is their true purpose.

p.s. my neighbours now think I'm a weirdo taking photos of a climbing wall for midgets (hope they don't ask me how tall I am).


Blogger Captain Fargon said...

I am a vertically challenged seagull - as recently profiled on 'oprah' and demand my rights as such to be respected as such in my rebellion when it comes to pooing on walls.

4:36 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm very familiar with this lane. I'm pretty sure the anti-climb paint refers to the sloping metal corrugated roof on the other side of the wall, as opposed to the wall itself

1:51 pm  

Post a Comment

<< Home