My living hell..!
Well, I've been to some shit things in my life, but Saturday afternoon took the cake...
I had headed over by train to a distant 'big city' for a business meeting, in the city's huge exhibition hall. At the time in this big hall was the annual 'Baby Show', where I was going to meet the prospective new client and do the typical 'song and dance' that comes with such a tenative new business relationship. So, here we are at the Baby Show which, as one would naturally anticipate on a Saturday afternoon, was absolutely heaving!
There were babies as far as your eyes could see, you've never seen so many babies. Not only babies, but each one came complete with its own SUV. I mean, seriously, these wee tykes all had their own little battle cruisers. Naturally, between the thronging crowd all trying to look at the display stalls, all wheeling these minature SUV's - it was a nightmare of uncontrollable traffic & congestion. Being a Baby Show it was not the place to pull faces at bad parking or inefficient driving which, I must admit, I found a wee bit difficult to temper.
The thing that really struck me and it's not that surprising really, is that I have never seen so many pregnant women, in one place, in my life (I don't remember e-mailing all these women). Really, about 2 out of every 3 women of breeding age, was like 6 months+ pregnant. So now make it a huge crowd, a massive collection of badly parked & driven minature SUV's and a clutch of women with their belly buttons sticking out.
I, like all around me, did at one stage VERY respectfully pull aside for one slightly deranged looking couple as they weaved their way through the chaos. They were pushing in front of them, and it nearly filled the aisle, a 3-person people mover. Yup, and in it were 3 little pumpkins that looked like they were each about 24 minutes old. I swear, everyone they passed with their triplets went ever so slightly quiet as they neared, dropped their eyes with due revernce to the SUV as it passed and, then, respectfully looked at these folks with a weak smile. The look in the parents eyes said it all "we know, we know - oh my God, how we know..." and, loosely translated, that look in everyone's eyes as they passed was 'thank fuck that it is not me!'.
So, the meeting went well and I have a new client but 'mental note 2b', I think I need to check the expiry date on some condoms that I've got floating about.
Later that day, I thought I'd go to a bar (not called 'Cheers') where there is 'always someone I know'. Naturally enough, there was 'no-one there I knew' although, ultimately, I did end up talking to a chap who looked like a greasy street urchin and a woman who runs a local B&B. She was turning 50 - I knew this because she had a balloon that said so - and knowing her from a past life I would have expected her to be VERY, VERY, DRUNK (in a complete loss of bladder control type of way).
Unusually, for her, she wasn't (although she was dropping them pretty quickly, I did note) and I couldn't help wondering if, perhaps, her birthday was actually in 8 days time and she was 'just' getting a head start i.e. come and see her next week, after she has been on the lash for 7 days...
Later, that evening, there was one notable quip which was the phrase of the day... In conversation to a girl, I said to her (whilst still not giving out my blog address to any folk that I know, which I still don't do at the moment - so if you're reading this and know me, you shouldn't be - somebody has loose lips):
"I've got a blog"
to which she immediately replied, completely unplanned, I think:
"you should get some cream for that..."
touche!
I had headed over by train to a distant 'big city' for a business meeting, in the city's huge exhibition hall. At the time in this big hall was the annual 'Baby Show', where I was going to meet the prospective new client and do the typical 'song and dance' that comes with such a tenative new business relationship. So, here we are at the Baby Show which, as one would naturally anticipate on a Saturday afternoon, was absolutely heaving!
There were babies as far as your eyes could see, you've never seen so many babies. Not only babies, but each one came complete with its own SUV. I mean, seriously, these wee tykes all had their own little battle cruisers. Naturally, between the thronging crowd all trying to look at the display stalls, all wheeling these minature SUV's - it was a nightmare of uncontrollable traffic & congestion. Being a Baby Show it was not the place to pull faces at bad parking or inefficient driving which, I must admit, I found a wee bit difficult to temper.The thing that really struck me and it's not that surprising really, is that I have never seen so many pregnant women, in one place, in my life (I don't remember e-mailing all these women). Really, about 2 out of every 3 women of breeding age, was like 6 months+ pregnant. So now make it a huge crowd, a massive collection of badly parked & driven minature SUV's and a clutch of women with their belly buttons sticking out.
I, like all around me, did at one stage VERY respectfully pull aside for one slightly deranged looking couple as they weaved their way through the chaos. They were pushing in front of them, and it nearly filled the aisle, a 3-person people mover. Yup, and in it were 3 little pumpkins that looked like they were each about 24 minutes old. I swear, everyone they passed with their triplets went ever so slightly quiet as they neared, dropped their eyes with due revernce to the SUV as it passed and, then, respectfully looked at these folks with a weak smile. The look in the parents eyes said it all "we know, we know - oh my God, how we know..." and, loosely translated, that look in everyone's eyes as they passed was 'thank fuck that it is not me!'.
So, the meeting went well and I have a new client but 'mental note 2b', I think I need to check the expiry date on some condoms that I've got floating about.
Later that day, I thought I'd go to a bar (not called 'Cheers') where there is 'always someone I know'. Naturally enough, there was 'no-one there I knew' although, ultimately, I did end up talking to a chap who looked like a greasy street urchin and a woman who runs a local B&B. She was turning 50 - I knew this because she had a balloon that said so - and knowing her from a past life I would have expected her to be VERY, VERY, DRUNK (in a complete loss of bladder control type of way).
Unusually, for her, she wasn't (although she was dropping them pretty quickly, I did note) and I couldn't help wondering if, perhaps, her birthday was actually in 8 days time and she was 'just' getting a head start i.e. come and see her next week, after she has been on the lash for 7 days...
Later, that evening, there was one notable quip which was the phrase of the day... In conversation to a girl, I said to her (whilst still not giving out my blog address to any folk that I know, which I still don't do at the moment - so if you're reading this and know me, you shouldn't be - somebody has loose lips):
"I've got a blog"
to which she immediately replied, completely unplanned, I think:
"you should get some cream for that..."
touche!
posted by Captain Fargon at 4:22 pm
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