Idiot on wheels...
Ahhh, an old friend has returned to my life - good ol' fashioned fear...!
While I was away down south on my wee venture last week - I finally, after about 10 years of 'wanting', bought myself some rollerblades. I have, actually, been ice-skating since I was 7 (when I ended up on the side of the rink crying, because 'I could not do it like the big kids') and by my mid-teens, was skating every night of the week - if not 10 times a week with the multiple public weekend sessions that were available. Late in my teens, I had taken up Ice Hockey where I played for the North Shore Vikings.
During those public sessions I used to say to myself - if I hadn't fallen over once per session, then I wasn't trying hard enough!
Due to my semi-religious devotion to that mantra, I spent a lot of my teens with moderately serious water on the knee & elbow. Notably, it was always my left knee & elbow, since that was the way I would spin or jump things - whether that be the rink walls, cones, people, high bars or anything else that got in my way.
Like most young skaters as the years passed on by, I moved onto bigger & better things (drinking & girls), but always held a secret desire to go to the Netherlands (thanks to some naff 60's Disney film) and be able to go skating from village to village - whizzing along the frozen canals. Unfortunately, ol' Walt and I never figured on global warming and it has been a looong time since the Dutch canals have frozen over - or been frozen enough to safely go skating on anyway (not since the early 80's, I believe).
So, finally, I have invested in some Salomon Crossmax V3's, on which the front & back wheels can be adjusted to go up or down. Thereby, giving you a multi-purpose skate which can be used for distance / speed skating (in the down position) or as a highly manoeuvrable street skate (in the up position).
A week into it and I have discovered a couple of key factors which are very relevant to my refreshed 21st century skating:
(1) I'm used to skating on flat surfaces.
(2) Rollerblades don't work in the wet.
(3) The road is harder than ice - not absolutely true (rock hard, overly cooled, ice can cut you up pretty badly too - but in crowded rink sessions it gets very wet, thereby 'dampening' your fall. {har-har, nice accidental pun}), but obstacles like cars & bollards do add a complete new survival factor to this mobile circus.
The first skate I went for, post-purchase, was in Wiltshire, along some country roads, which can truly be described as adventureous and dumb, dumb, dumb brother - real dumb! Not only was the road surface pretty rough, it was way more undulating than I expected and there was no run-off from the road - only a high bank on either side. Ultimately, I only had one major wipeout during which, luckily, no cars, trucks or tractors came around the corner!
Upon arrival back home, I went skating around a local park (the top picture, above, was taken just before setting off) and then, on the next day, I was all set to go for a long daytime skate, i.e. fully kitted up, when I looked out the window and realised it was bloody snowing (in late March - nice one). A couple of hours later and it had stopped snowing / raining and I tried again, which is when I discovered that inline skates don't work in the wet.
Yesterday, I finally got to go for a long day-skate and went to a reputable bike shop to look at some 'body armour' (I only have wrist & knee guards at the moment, but am keen to get a body-sized airbag). It was on the return from this shop, empty-handed I should add, that I contributed my first bit of skin to the road surface (again, see the photo above of my left hip).
All in all, it's been a jolly good hoot - hope I live through it! Busy medieval cities that lie on the same latitude as Moscow, are not really the place to go skating, I'm slowly being forced to realise...
So, if you see some Gallah flailing down the road while you're driving by, make sure to beep your horn and I'll tell you to 'fark off', like I did to all the other cars...
While I was away down south on my wee venture last week - I finally, after about 10 years of 'wanting', bought myself some rollerblades. I have, actually, been ice-skating since I was 7 (when I ended up on the side of the rink crying, because 'I could not do it like the big kids') and by my mid-teens, was skating every night of the week - if not 10 times a week with the multiple public weekend sessions that were available. Late in my teens, I had taken up Ice Hockey where I played for the North Shore Vikings.
During those public sessions I used to say to myself - if I hadn't fallen over once per session, then I wasn't trying hard enough!
Due to my semi-religious devotion to that mantra, I spent a lot of my teens with moderately serious water on the knee & elbow. Notably, it was always my left knee & elbow, since that was the way I would spin or jump things - whether that be the rink walls, cones, people, high bars or anything else that got in my way.
Like most young skaters as the years passed on by, I moved onto bigger & better things (drinking & girls), but always held a secret desire to go to the Netherlands (thanks to some naff 60's Disney film) and be able to go skating from village to village - whizzing along the frozen canals. Unfortunately, ol' Walt and I never figured on global warming and it has been a looong time since the Dutch canals have frozen over - or been frozen enough to safely go skating on anyway (not since the early 80's, I believe).
So, finally, I have invested in some Salomon Crossmax V3's, on which the front & back wheels can be adjusted to go up or down. Thereby, giving you a multi-purpose skate which can be used for distance / speed skating (in the down position) or as a highly manoeuvrable street skate (in the up position).A week into it and I have discovered a couple of key factors which are very relevant to my refreshed 21st century skating:
(1) I'm used to skating on flat surfaces.
(2) Rollerblades don't work in the wet.
(3) The road is harder than ice - not absolutely true (rock hard, overly cooled, ice can cut you up pretty badly too - but in crowded rink sessions it gets very wet, thereby 'dampening' your fall. {har-har, nice accidental pun}), but obstacles like cars & bollards do add a complete new survival factor to this mobile circus.
The first skate I went for, post-purchase, was in Wiltshire, along some country roads, which can truly be described as adventureous and dumb, dumb, dumb brother - real dumb! Not only was the road surface pretty rough, it was way more undulating than I expected and there was no run-off from the road - only a high bank on either side. Ultimately, I only had one major wipeout during which, luckily, no cars, trucks or tractors came around the corner!
Upon arrival back home, I went skating around a local park (the top picture, above, was taken just before setting off) and then, on the next day, I was all set to go for a long daytime skate, i.e. fully kitted up, when I looked out the window and realised it was bloody snowing (in late March - nice one). A couple of hours later and it had stopped snowing / raining and I tried again, which is when I discovered that inline skates don't work in the wet.
Yesterday, I finally got to go for a long day-skate and went to a reputable bike shop to look at some 'body armour' (I only have wrist & knee guards at the moment, but am keen to get a body-sized airbag). It was on the return from this shop, empty-handed I should add, that I contributed my first bit of skin to the road surface (again, see the photo above of my left hip).
All in all, it's been a jolly good hoot - hope I live through it! Busy medieval cities that lie on the same latitude as Moscow, are not really the place to go skating, I'm slowly being forced to realise...
So, if you see some Gallah flailing down the road while you're driving by, make sure to beep your horn and I'll tell you to 'fark off', like I did to all the other cars...
posted by Captain Fargon at 5:49 pm
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