und, die Antwort...

and the answer

... click the picture / klick auf Bild...

Ein kleines Problem..

Dieses wochende gehe ich, ganz ungeplant, fur ein schnell resie nach Deutschland (Hamburg & Hannover eigentlich). Wahrend dort, ich habe entschieden ein Auto zu mieten. Ich habe eine ganz billig Volkswagen Rollschuh fur 117 GBP gefunden...

... aber, ich habe auch ein Mercedes sehen, es fur nur 190 GBP kosten. Was denkst du? Ein billiges, kleines, Auto oder ein grosses, schnelles, Deutsches Auto.

Ya, Ich habe das auch gedacht - I werde das grosste, schnellte, Auto mieten.

Autobahn, hier komm ich!

Fargin busy...

can't write... busy, busy, busy... fargin busy!

The Freddy Mercury Story

So it came to pass in the 80's, that the mighty 'Queen', who were at the peak of their fame at the time, were coming to play a gig in the Antipodes...

Big acts have a habit of bypassing that part of the world. It is a bit of an expensive logistical nightmare to get them & their kit, there. And, realistically, with only a couple of cities and few suitably sized stadiums available that they can fill, they may be lucky to cover their costs. Big bands do come, but, normally, only once in their careers.

This was to be the first ever concert that I went to at the grand old age of 15, and, as it turned out, quite an initiation. 

Having never been in a crowd of more than than 8,000 people (seated), it was an experience to mix it up with 35,000 drug & booze fuelled rockers - quite an eye opener for young eyes indeed.


Full of youthful endeavour, our crew made it our mission to try and push through the crowds and get as far to the front of the crowd as we could. 

As anyone who has been in this situation knows, it is not an easy thing to do. It probably took us an hour of squeezing, sliding and shoving while generally apologizing to every man and his dog along the way, as we *politely muscled our way to the front.

* we are polite Kiwis, of course

Finally, unable to go another inch, we'd landed ourselves about 50 feet from the front of the stage. Which, in a crowd of 35,000 people, is a heck of a place to be!

And there before our very eyes, was the mighty Freddy Mercury and Queen, giving it wildy on stage - a mere stone's throw from us.
To be honest, I can't really remember that much from the concert itself because (1) it was a bloody long time ago, and (2) I was pissed (I think). Nonetheless, there is one key moment that is indelibly glued in my memory. 

At one stage of the concert Freddy had had a costume change and, now, was strutting about the stage in a fairly thin, white, lycra, one-piece outfit. 

In the midst of one of his songs he turned around, spread his legs reaallllly wide apart and bent right over to the ground, with microphone stand protruding backwards & upwards, through his legs. Now, he held this pose for quite a while and, as I recall, continued singing with his 'inverted' view of the world.
It had, actually, come to my attention earlier that his costume was, erm,  somewhat see-through. 

But, now, stretched to its physical limits by his splayed legs and his doubled-over torso, it was way beyond any form of decency that an 'average joe' would have considered appropriate.

Two initial things became immediately apparent: 
Firstly, he was not wearing any underwear and, secondly, he was somewhat of a hairy chap... all over, so it seemed.

It was at this point that I remember thinking "I wonder if he knows?" and, furthermore, "I wonder if someone should tell him?". 

I do remember there was a general awarkwardness amongst the crowd in our general area. We were all enjoying the gig and the music, but no-one quite knew where to look, when confronted by the very real spectacle of Freddy Mercury's incredibly hairy anus...

In hindsight, I've always laughed at these innocent youthful concerns which I held on Freddy's behalf. 

I've told the story a number of times during the intervening years and had always thought, and said, that I was about 14 at the time. This is of relevance because as I've mused over the incident, I've often wondered if, at that age, I knew what 'gay' meant and, furthermore, whether I was aware that Freddy Mercury was gay?

With this new piece of chronological information regarding the date of the gig (the actual ticket), I realise that I was actually 15/16 not 13/14 and, therefore, I'd have to say, I was very aware of what 'gay' meant (not that I would have been exposed to it at that stage of my life). And, frankly, looking back, I'm pretty sure that I did not know that Freddy Mercury was gay.

It is obvious now, but to a teenager in the midst of the 80's (new romantics etc) it was not such a surprise to see a chap who would dress extravagantly and mince it up somewhat. 

Of course, in the bigger scheme of things my lack of awareness about Freddy's homosexuality and general concern for his 'wardrobe malfunction', are somewhat relevant to his subsequent unfortunate demise i.e. in my understanding of 'the big picture'.

At least he did live his life to the full and I, for one, can claim to have seen Freddy Mercury's arse and not many people can say that.... hmmm, actually, that might not technically be such a valid statement.

As an addendum to this story, during my research for this story I came across a report of the actual show from this website... www.queenconcerts.com

"Tony Hadley from Spandau Ballet came to see his friend Freddie and they both got drunk like pigs before the Queen concert (even many people in the audience noticed there was something wrong with Freddie that night :-) In addition to that, Tony decided to join Queen for the encore ('Jailhouse Rock') but he confused the lyrics and started singing 'Tutti Frutti' instead".

Which, frankly, I don't really remember that well, although, it has to be said, I do remember that the concert didn't blow my socks off, so it can't have been that good.

Interestingly, in the same nature of story, a few years later I went to a 'Big Day Out' concert in Auckland with the sole intent of seeing 'The Cult' who were headlining. 

As it turned out Ian Astbury (lead singer) also got pissed pre-gig and I don't just mean pissed - he was off completely off his trolley, legless, shit-faced, absolutely fuckin' cunted - so to speak!

He was sooo pissed that as he came on he was just staggering all about the stage, tripping over the microphone lead, barely able to recognise the 50,000 strong crowd in front of him and making incoherent sounds, which, presumably, were meant to be the lyrics. 

He made it to about the 3rd song when, during another violent drunken lurch, he crashed backwards right through the huge drum set - completely wiping them and himself out.

So ended the Cult's set as he was carried out. 

Nice one Ian!

Saturday shopping list: buy Dettol

Well, the jolly good news of the day is that the sun has come out to play... which means this I was able to blast back onto the roads again.

The other not quite so good bit of news is that I've grafted another part of my body onto the pavement - again! This time it was my left elbow, which is somewhat in keeping with my previous left hip injury (see earlier entry). There were some extenuating circumstances, but, in reality, there was a lot more Fargonite in there than there should have been.

Upon initial purchase, I told myself to take it easy for 6 weeks before going 'hooning ' on my now not so shiny Widowmakers, which I've been generally keeping to. This agreement was made with due reverence to another youthful incident involving a sharp corner, a 750cc motorbike (suitably branded a Ninja) and that good ol' exuberant Gallah - traveling, this time, at 173kmph.

So, now I'm off to the shops to buy some Dettol and, on the way, I think I'll ponder buying some elbow pads... and, maybe, square-dancing - that sounds a nice & safe pastime...

I can really see, at the rate I'm going, that this is going to end up being a one-armed blog.